Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
