oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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