If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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