so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize