I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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