Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize