I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Say something about gay babies.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
