Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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