I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
