I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
