I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
