where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize