new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
