I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize