He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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