super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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