what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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