i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
