i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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