K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Brb crying the tears of my youth
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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