I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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