honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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