Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
