he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
