Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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