12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My cat gives me a boner
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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