please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
