is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
