Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
