You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
