i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
