you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
