Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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