Yo dont text me then not text me
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
