I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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