Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Randomize
