I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
His nipple licking is glorious
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