I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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