I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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