"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
