I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I fill condoms, not promises.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize