I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
