Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
