their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
