Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Watching her eat just hurts me
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
