yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
