he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
accomplished twins. life is a go
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
