oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
