hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
