I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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