My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
