what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
