Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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