I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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