Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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