I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
