my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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