I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
