did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
