mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
