I just cut my nipple shaving
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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