There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
