you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
