you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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