She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
they're like a gay fantastic four
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
