There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
