I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
