I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
