This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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