You're completely useless in the revolution.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
