Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
