1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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