Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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