My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
