yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
