I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
