My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
