The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
