But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
