Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
