i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
