Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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