I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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