Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
