I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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