Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
