I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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