I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
