I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
