I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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