She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
