Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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