6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
