"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
