beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize