my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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