I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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