The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
