do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize